Closer

Justine thinks of Donovan everyday, she wants to be closer to him, she wants to tell him her feelings, and at the same time, she feels repels and afraid, withdrawing from the beloved.

Partnership is mysterious, and she is just as mysterious. she’s already blabbed and vented to her friends way too much about the relationship. Now she’s made it look like the relationship is not going well.

What happened to her where did she learn this? This isn’t her, this isn’t who she wants to be. She wants to be glowing, confident, and sharing the great parts about the relationship.
She feels suffocated by her thoughts and her ideas of what could have been, what could be, and what’s happening in the present moment as she drives back to town.

she realizes there’s been moments where she’s been with him, but she really wasn’t there, she was seeing him through the dream of relationship and the idea of relationship. But not really seeing Donovan… not really seeing herself either.

Justin can’t sleep at night. She drinks caffeine late in the day. Doesn’t get enough exercise. Slipping into a darkness just as dark as the days of winter. She becomes the season, and the season becomes her… she can’t really find where she ends and begins.

She realizes she holds him at arm’s length. And part of her wants to run away. Run away from her family, run away from the ideas of herself and the ideas of everybody else and where she’s supposed to be in her life.

Some of her flaws are choking her, keeping her down, keeping her stuck in this  “comfortable” place. She is obsessed.

She feels stifled, unsatisfied… She’s thinking too much..

Even though her mind races and thoughts come and go, she is hooked, wants more, and can’t walk away.