Sasha was working on using her smartphone less. She started reading a zine her new friend from OK cupid gave her. He was an artist and there was no attraction or chemistry but they had so much to talk about. And ironically his zine was also about disengaging from the speed of technology and meditating more.

She left Francisco a message about this before her bath. Her throat was congested and she kept having to clear it while she was trying to talk on his messenger message.

He’d been in Pennsylvania all week and she only started to have the desire to communicate with him, besides a couple of sexts about his study plan. reminding him to keep studying hard while he was away, which he promised to do.

He also said he’d like to party with her on New Years…but what did that mean?

Anyway, she left him voice messages about her New Years resolutions to cut her smartphone addiction.

When she was out getting groceries, she got 4 voice texts back from him. The first thing he said was it was good to hear her voice. Sometimes she can feel in her voice that she has a certain tone when she’s talking to him or leaving a message and it feels whimsical and lovely.

His voice was deeper than ever and made her wet.

He said she’s singing his song- he wants to cut his smartphone use as well.

And then he asked her about New Years Eve, her birthday. He sounded like he loved her and missed her honestly. And she felt all hot and bothered after that.

But he wouldn’t be home until Saturday, and probably late Saturday.

Her friend Germaina had offered to meet up on her birthday (Tuesday) but she wasn’t sure what to plan. Also snow was forecasted for that day. If it snowed she could hang out in bed with Francisco perhaps…but did he have other plans too? Did he want to party? And what did she want?

This weekend her landlady had family visiting and Sasha was about to head out for a walk and to synagogue. She’d texted Patrick yesterday asking if he was in town and if he was thinking of going to this Chanukah party, but he never replied…so maybe she’d see him tonight.

And then there was Eli, who was in town yesterday for that party, but he was with his other friend and she was with Germaina, so she skipped it. She was tired and had had an emotionally intense conversation with Germaina, but at least she got to tell her about the role playing she did with Francisco and his study plan.

Germaina said Francisco was sending mixed messages and had been from the beginning.

Maybe she was right…

Holiday season has officially hit,  so Justine just had to fuck between holiday socializing.

It all started on the couch, they had been sharing pizza and Donovan’s mother called, as soon as he was off the phone Donovan laid back on the couch and Justine could not resist with her hands on him and to feel his legs and on his cock she unbuttoned his pants, and she touched his uncircumcised cock.

Some of her favorite places to smell Donovan are his : armpits,  his perenium,  head , beard, and his neck.  it’s so soft and warm. All of it, all of him.

And this is one of the best cocks because it’s uncircumcised. And she really does feel bad for those guys who get their dicks clipped. That’s besides the point.

She starts sucking  and jerking his dick. Not too long after, Donovan is caressing and sucking on Justine’s bosom. They start to fuck on the couch, and D’s cock really does feel so good every damn time.

She could still smell the scent of sex lingering on and around her after leaving his house.

 

 

Sasha was alone on Christmas Eve. She was blogging up a storm, loving these anonymous blogs she was writing.

There was a guy named Eli who her friend Gabby had tried to set her up with and she’d met him once over the summer. He lived one state away, so about an hour and a half drive away. She thought he was cool but she seemed to have more feelings for Francisco, but who knows? Eli seemed not to know what he wanted either.

He was an herbalist and nutritionist. He seemed attracted to her. Most guys were these days. When she’d met him, she wore something bright and sexy. It had been over the summer and they met up at a grocery store.

Would he come to the church concert this week? He said he strongly hoped to.

Patrick was in New York for a few days, but Sasha considered asking him to come to the concert as well. Maybe she’d even tell him she wanted him to meet Eli. She wanted options, numerous men around to choose from since none of them seemed ready to claim her or commit.

She put on some dark eye shadow and deep red lipstick. Was she even going out tonight? Her friend had suggested Christmas Eve church services but she wasn’t sure. She needed to eat dinner but wasn’t hungry.

There were dead bugs in 2 corners of her room. A certain type of bug she’d never seen anywhere except in her room here.

She liked Patrick. He was younger than the others and probably had more sexual stamina. But he probably had more options too. He was cute as f*$%. And he had texted her on Sunday night while she was having the best sex ever with Francisco.

Well, tonight was the dark of the moon right before an eclipse. It was a time for resting, for going into the dark and not knowing. She didn’t need to know. She only needed to rest and eat dinner and take it all from there.

Sasha had also spoken on the phone with her friend Carlos in California. They were hot for each other too. In theory she had so many options but in reality only had sex once a week or less.

She thought about how this guy Jack who she’d had a fling with in Tuscadero told her if she dressed sexy she could have sex with so many guys. He said she was so sexy. And beautiful. He didn’t like her so much though and she didn’t like him so much but she loved to f*$% him- it became addictive.

But she took his feedback and tried to dress sexy for Francisco whenever he came over, at least wear something tight with a long necklace and big earrings.

When she’d seen Patrick at church, she wasn’t dressed so sexy because it was cold. She was all bundled up in her winter coat.

But she remembered he had texted her right after she posted a photo of herself in a bikini over the summer. So he had noticed. Francisco told her she looked SO sexy in that bikini, he was upset he had missed seeing her in it.

That was before they had had sex yet, but they’d cuddled and felt how much they’d wanted to.

Sasha was getting paranoid. She wondered if anyone had found her blog and read it. She supposed it was unlikely, but still possible, so she took some actions to protect her anonymous identity. But she was still anxious.

Most of what she wrote was fiction but every once in a while there was a morsel of truth hidden in there.

She confided in her friend Justine, or tried to, on her voicemail since Justine was with Dominic, supposedly helping him move, but who knows what they were doing?

Sasha ate beef tacos for lunch. They weren’t great. She was stressed again about her living situation and other things. Francisco was away in Alabama for a few days visiting his friend and Sasha didn’t miss him. She was excited to see Patrick and another guy at a church party on Thursday.

But would they even be there?

Combinations of thoughts filled Sasha’s brain and she didn’t know what she wanted but decided that was okay for now.

She felt Francisco’s love from afar. She felt he loved her… sometimes.

Lately, she wondered what she even wanted in a partner. Sometimes the spontaneous thing worked, sometimes it let her down and created anxiety. But she couldn’t think of what else she might want or how to create another situation.

Life on life’s terms.

Justine’s birthday was next week and Sasha figured she’d be with Dominic, in his hot tub, then swimming in his pool.

Francisco had said he’d have a late lunch with Sasha that day, but she wasn’t sure what she wanted. Two people who don’t know what they want: a perfect storm.

She wrapped up some gifts for Justine and left them in the corner of her room. The only wrapping paper she had was a Christmas designed one, which she hated, but figured Justine wouldn’t mind.

She also bought Justine a cake and decorated it. White frosting with blue letters saying “Happy 32nd Justine. Love Sasha”.

Justine thinks of Donovan everyday, she wants to be closer to him, she wants to tell him her feelings, and at the same time, she feels repels and afraid, withdrawing from the beloved.

Partnership is mysterious, and she is just as mysterious. she’s already blabbed and vented to her friends way too much about the relationship. Now she’s made it look like the relationship is not going well.

What happened to her where did she learn this? This isn’t her, this isn’t who she wants to be. She wants to be glowing, confident, and sharing the great parts about the relationship.
She feels suffocated by her thoughts and her ideas of what could have been, what could be, and what’s happening in the present moment as she drives back to town.

she realizes there’s been moments where she’s been with him, but she really wasn’t there, she was seeing him through the dream of relationship and the idea of relationship. But not really seeing Donovan… not really seeing herself either.

Justin can’t sleep at night. She drinks caffeine late in the day. Doesn’t get enough exercise. Slipping into a darkness just as dark as the days of winter. She becomes the season, and the season becomes her… she can’t really find where she ends and begins.

She realizes she holds him at arm’s length. And part of her wants to run away. Run away from her family, run away from the ideas of herself and the ideas of everybody else and where she’s supposed to be in her life.

Some of her flaws are choking her, keeping her down, keeping her stuck in this  “comfortable” place. She is obsessed.

She feels stifled, unsatisfied… She’s thinking too much..

Even though her mind races and thoughts come and go, she is hooked, wants more, and can’t walk away.

 

So Donovan was moving into a new apartment. Justine offered to help.

Little did he know, she was also planning a scene to act out with him to relieve help relieve some stress. She was carefully planning out what she wanted to do, and what to wear. Honestly, the fantasy is always easier than the enactment.

She arrived around noon,  she saw him, and she told him to get in the shower, and then go into the bedroom and wait for her.

After he showered,  he was blindfolded, and his hands tied together.

Then, he was tied to the bed. She started flogging his back and his ass while verbally humiliating him and slapped his face.

Then making him lie on the bed, then flogs his dick. Then she sat on his face but before that, she actually put a pillow case over his face with only his mouth visible.

She spits on him when she finished.

Sascha had a busy day and felt all this super erotic energy with her friend Patrick from church. He arrived late and she felt the rush of sexual energy as soon as she saw him in the doorway all the way down the hall. Then he stood near her praying and her pussy got so wet.

She lingered around to talk to him afterward (they also made silly faces across the room during lunch). But it seemed like one of those things where suddenly he could tell she liked him and now he wasn’t sure anymore.

Patrick looked cute though, with his long curly hair and green sweater. Eventually Sascha realized she needed to leave and go to her friend Rochelle’s house. She needed a break from getting turned on by ambivalent boyz.

So she drove to Rochelle’s house and of course as she headed out of church, Patrick got up and gave her a hug and then he told her that she had some down fluffy stuff coming out of her jacket. Did he think she cared??

She only wanted sex. But tea with Rochelle would have to do on this cold December day.

When she arrived home in the late afternoon, she took a nap and got ready to eat a small dinner of sardines, cashew and olives…when… lo and behold, Francisco was in her neighborhood Christmas shopping and starting blowing up her phone. Time to make a quick decision.

She’d told him she was writing an anonymous erotic blog, and he had been excited to help her create scenes and act them out.

Well, it was last minute, and she’d had a long day…but she could use the sex so she told Francisco to come over in 15 minutes-just enough time for her to take off her pajamas, put on her sexiest leggings and a tank top, and finish eating her sardines.

When he arrived, she teased him. She made him write down a study plan and he listed on a piece of loose leaf all the things he wanted to do with her body. He was eager but she delayed getting right into bed with him. He kneeled at her desk and wrote out his list and she kept telling him to add more and be more specific.

She was a writing teacher after all.

This is great. We are combining your interests in writing and studying, Sascha affirmed. He said he wanted to get an A plus. Also he wrote on his own, in his study plan, he wanted her to have multiple orgasms. So, they were on the same page at least.

His dick was sticking all the way out of his boxers when he took off his pants, eager to get into bed and do the study plan.

She let him finger her first though, and made sure to have an orgasm before even touching his dick. He wanted her so bad. He said she looked so sexy in those leggings and her hair looked great.

He fingered her in a weird way where he kept his finger in one spot for awhile and she had an orgasm. Then he said he wanted to be inside of her.

They had some good sex; he was so hard. She had around 10 orgasms and he still asked her if she had had an orgasm! She was surprised he couldn’t tell with all of the noise she was making.

Well, she gave his a check plus on his assignment.

There would be more.

He hadn’t earned an A+ for the semester yet…

When he left she checked her phone and Patrick had texted asking if she and Rochelle ended up doing anything.

Sascha lay down for bed, finally satisfied.

Sasha wasn’t having a great day. She was getting tired of it all, like how Francisco pretended to want to see her but then never called. Or only called every 2 weeks or something.

She wanted more. But then there was all that homework she had to do, so she tried to buckle down and get to work. She trusted that of she was a good girl and did the studious things, her God would reward her with a better lover. Or maybe make Francisco a better partner. Who knows?

She didn’t want to keep wishing for Francisco to get hornier…but alas, she thought maybe if she were a more solid person, he’d like her better.

She’d had a phone call with her other friend Martin, and he told her he’d only want to have sex once every week or two if he were dating someone.

Well, today Sasha wasn’t even horny. Probably because of all that masturbation…which isn’t so bad, but it causes her body to tighten up.

Still, anything is better than the feeling she gets of waiting around for Francisco when he doesn’t want her.

She stopped texting him back. That’ll show him. He said he wished he could have come over during the snowstorm sooooooo badly, but things were crazy. Things were always “crazy” or whatever with him. She was so over it.

Yet…still, soon enough…maybe he’d sweet talk her into bed with him again.

For now she was vengeful though. it was time for some revenge….